I read a parent list recently where another parent commented that a child riding a school bus 90 minutes was not a good use of time.
I think "waste of time" may have been how the parent phrased it. I actually happened to know this parent. She is a seasoned parent, having seen her child through an ABA program. Her child seems indistinguishable from other children that age. Any way, having known her many years, when I read the post, I thought she gave sound input and as usual thought "good post".
Other parents did not take it that way. Taking her statements as criticism of their parenting, she was strongly chastised for her comments (not to worry, she would stand by her advise, though she surely never meant it to offend). But why? I think we all could agree that 90 minutes on a school bus for any child is too much if it can be avoided. Some times it can`t. Life messes us around. But why get so angry? Especially at another parent....
Obviously there are many reasons why parents could get defensive. They feel guilty (whether they should or not). The approval of others is important to them (whether it should be or not). They feel judged by others (which is often true...judgement comes our way alot). But I think at the root, the automatic anger and assumption of attack and judgement comes from the fact that once we get a diagnosis, every thing becomes a battle.
From services to family members to professionals, we are constantly battling for our child. So our knee jerk is to assume "this is another battle". Dear friends, before we assume another has bad motiviation, let us take a deep breath and analyze whether we are truly being attacked...or are we receiving some knowledge from another parent who has been there. Trust me, this parent has been there and every where. We should all listen to parents of experience. At least listen.....
My heart is with you,
Katherine Lee