One of the hardest decisions we made after our diagnosis was not to have a third child.
I deeply wanted another child (before all this happened). I was really anticipating another baby with happiness. But, as we approached the time we were ready, something seemed off about our son... we agreed we should wait and see what we found out about him. Oh my.
After The Day, we determined to make no decision for several months. But as the demands of a home program (emotional, physical, financial, etc) began to hit us, the answer became clearer and clearer to my husband.
Could we afford to give TWO children a high quality home program? Genetics seemed to potentially play a role in autism in our family.
Would I be able to run two in home programs if I had to? One was already hard.
How would I cope with the demands of a new born and keeping a new home program going?
How would we feel if we had another child with autism? Would we be riddled with self doubt?
Would we have enough time for our marriage with a newborn and a home program? We were already seeing each other less than ever and missing each other terribly.
Our son had major sleep issues...having a newborn would be like having twins for us at this point in the sleeping area. Was this wise while a home program was going on?
Could we attend another typical child appropriately? We already had one that we were trying desperately to attend while all this was going on.
What was the right choice for us?
My husband is my best friend. We've agreed on almost every decision we've made.
But this answer was not clear to me because I was clouded with the emotion of wanting another child. Finally, I told my husband I would respect his decision. I did not trust myself to make the best choice for our family because my emotions and desires seemed to be running me. Most of the time I'm certain I would have made the other choice. My husband had himself" taken care of" to prevent another child.
I'm not saying it is black and white that we made the perfect choice. I go back in forth because I believe every baby is a blessing. Who can have too many blessings?
We agreed we would adopt a child when our son improved to the point that our time, etc would not be so stressed. So far, we are not there yet, though his improvement is just phenomenal.
I've outlined this for you dear parents because I want you to have the thinking behind one family's choice. I don't ask for you to judge us right or wrong (as I don't others) in this matter. I know this is a tough choice for families and wanted to offer an honest description of how we decided.
My heart is with you,
Katherine Lee